A Letter to the Girl I used to Love

Dear Girl I Used To Love,

You are the girl that gets the guy. I don’t know if you know this, or maybe you do, but you have this super power of getting men to love you. Heck, your powers work on women too – like it worked on me. You are simply irresistible. You’re smart, funny and remarkably unapologetic. Your legs are long, your eyes wide and your smile incredibly bright. In fact, I’ve heard from one of the guys you bewitched that he fell for you the minute you smiled. I may have fallen for you too in the exact same way. It’s hard to tell exactly but I know why I stayed in love with you for a while. You have confidence like I’ve never seen
before. You’re so sure of yourself and you don’t have time for losers. So when you give anyone even a glimpse in their direction, they feel like they’re something. Like they’re not losers. That’s how I felt anyway. I wonder if that’s how the guys that fall for you feel too…

Now, this thing you have with your eyes…this charm. It definitely worked on my first love. My only love to be precise. I gave him my heart willingly, honestly and wholly – he was the first man I ever did so for. He was the one who knew my fears, the one who picked me up when I fell. He was my company at 3 am and my loneliness at 12 pm. He was my friend, my Tim. We were never romantically involved. That was to come later. That was my future. I was so sure that we he was my future. I guess I was wrong.

Now, I don’t blame him for falling for you instead. I know why he did. He did so because you’re an uncrdible human being – no doubt about that. Instead, I blame you for making him fall for you. You knew how I felt about him. You knew that I gave him my heart. I told you so. You knew. Is that why you had to do it? Is that why he perked your interest? You knew what he meant to me. Did you want him to mean the same to you?

It’s okay that he loves you though. I did too at some point. But you need to understand that you traded my love for his the minute you thought ‘I want him’. I know why you love him too. He’s perfect. Otherwise, I wouldn’t love him as I do now. But we can’t both love him and we can’t both want him. One girl gets the guy and like I said, that’s you. I’m not mad he chose you either. I was before but I’m not anymore. I can’t compete with you. I never stood a chance. And I bet you knew this.

So instead, I chose to let him go. I chose to love him enough to let him go. I mean, what is the point of hanging on to an umbrella that keeps blowing in the wind in the opposite direction? I let you have him and I let him have you. I loved both of you enough to give you that little piece of happiness. But I can’t let you have me too. I love myself too much to let you have me too.

You see, it still hurts. Not because I let him go, but because when I look at him, I don’t see my future. I see yours. There’s nothing worse than looking at an image that you know is off but being powerless to change it. That’s how I see him now – he’s still the same man I fell for, yet he’s different now. He’s not mine anymore. Maybe he never was and I was too stupid to notice…to think otherwise.

Either way, I grieve for the possibilities lost, for the moments written in the sands of time that were wiped away before I could see them. I grieve for the loss of surety. I was once so sure of where I was headed. The path of my life seemed etched deeply into the grounds of my heart, blatantly visible. Now I don’t know where to place my feet anymore.

I know I’m supposed to be a ‘good person’. You apologised. I believe you expected me to let it go afterwards. But you know, I already have let it go. I already forgave you. Truly, I did. But forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetfulness. It doesn’t mean we get to go back to square one. Things have changed now. I cannot just rewind the tape. It’s not that simple – you see, you  can’t erase the moment when trust was lost. That’s too monumental an event to wipe away. That’s one for the record books.

So instead, I will move on with dignity. I will love you, and him, with full intent and purpose. I will wish you the very best in life. The very best in your future. But most importantly, I will continue with mine.

Your friend from before,

L

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The Beauty of Redemption

Redemption. Defined as the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil.

The world brims with agents of malpractice
Of pirates, plunderers and persistent wrongdoers.
There is no soul, no not one
To claim innocence for error all have done

Think of a toddler, wide eyed and pure
Radiant with youth, untainted and true.
Yet there comes a time the child will lie
The words of false from his mouth will fly
So easy it seems to come to this
The loss of truth, of joy and peace

Yes, all have sinned both great and small
None can stand free of brawl

But even in the dark corners of earth
There is light and hope of new birth
For in us we hold the power of pardon
To hold a brother in esteem once more
What a wondrous thing should man choose to live
Strolling down the path named ‘forgive’
Such bliss awaits for those who choose, to search foremost a state of truce
The patient embrace of the wise and loving
Whom comprehend the art of giving

For I have known that special touch
To be found free even when in guilt I plea
A mind bending witness of selfless act
My soul sings when I recall, the instance of love exact

Should we not all strive to be free,
Of the endless black we often see?
Together let’s aim for hearts of gold
That race to keep friends in a fiece hold

Friends over lovers – 3 reasons why guys make better best friends and horrible boyfriends

Disclaimer: The following views are not by any means a generalisation of the opposite sex’s ability to be good significant others. There are merely opinions and real life experiences of a writer that seems to have really bad luck in relationships.

Either I have seriously bad taste in guys, have been fishing in the wrong pond, or I still have to go through my fair share of frogs before I get to my prince. I just can’t seem to pick out ‘one of the good ones’. I think maybe my boy-dar is broken…get it, like radar but now it’s boy-dar…Anyway, it seems I am really good at being friend-zoned OR friend-zoning guys (I prefer to think of it as the latter). I have some really good guy friends. As in, tell my deepest darkest secrets guy friends. Or be-super-honest-and-not-care-what-he-thinks guy friends.

But when it comes to the more than friends department, it’s a big flop. I’m talking awkward and strained WhatsApp conversations plus even worse face to face situations. You know that flow that you get with people you’re comfortable around? The one where you can talk about anything and everything…yes, that one! Now that always seems to be missing with the guys I eventually end up calling my ‘boyfriend’. Or whatever it is they end up becoming. What is that in between stage where you’re not really dating but you’re not just friends either? Facebook just calls ‘Its Complicated’, which can be a bit of an understatement sometimes.

In light of all that is said above, I have decided to just keep it in the friendzone (for now). I mean, boyfriends are hard work. Even the not fully fledged ones. And to back up my almost new year resolution, I have good reasons why boys are better friends than boyfriends.

  • Objectivity

When he’s not trying to impress you to get into your pants, a guy can have some really solid advice when it comes to almost anything and everything. You can forget about asking him what to wear to that thing you’re going to Saturday night though. I said almost everything. Unless he’s gay…. anyway, I digress. Guys tend to view problems (and life in general) in a very simplified way: There is a problem = find a solution. Finished. So when I tend to over think and worry myself to death about, let’s say, how to stop freaking out and just breath, my friend (we’ll call him Tim)…my friend Tim usually just says “stop freaking out and breath!”. Then he proceeds to tell me of all the reasons why I’m blowing things out of proportion like I usually do. And then he’ll remind me that it’s best to take one thing at a time. And of course he’ll say something that should have been completely obvious to my too-smart-for-its-own-good female brain. Like I said, Objectivity.

  • No drama

Guys are just fundamentally incapable of being petty – something that girls are fundamentally wired to be. This is related to point number one. No jealousy, no over thinking, no complications or unrealistic expectations. Their ability to take things in a laid back manner is quite frankly, refreshing. Nothing like a drama free life through University. That stuff is reserved for high school people.

  • Muscles

Picture this: you’re moving out of your parents house (finally!). You have some stuff you’re carrying with you in a few boxes. You get to your new apartment and there’s 4 flight’s of stairs you have to get climb up to get to your door. Who do you call? Tim of course! Tim always comes in handy for stuff like this. Sure you’ll have to buy him pizza or a big mac to say thanks but really, that’s not too much of a hassle now is it? It’s waaay much better than having to call Tom (let’s call Le boyfriend Tom). You probably had a fight with Tom earlier because he said the wrong thing, or forgot your birthday/ anniversary/ to came to your first open mic night (the list could go on and on). In fact, you would probably be annoyed at Tom for not offering to move said boxes when you mentioned you’re moving in the first place! Either way, Tom is sometimes going to be a tricky choice. Tim is better.

Now, I’m not saying all Toms are disappointing. I’m sure some of you have great stories that would clear Tom’s name in a  heartbeat. However, I am yet to get my own story. I believe there’s just something about the increased expectation in a relationship that gets things messed up.

It’s probably not all Tom’s fault. I mean, girls tend to have high standards in place, fuelled by years of brainwashing by romantic comedies and Hollywood’s leading men. But really, Tom should watch those movies and learn a thing or two. There’s so much that goes into a relationship because the other person is expecting you to give more (usually the girl) and half the time, they don’t know how to communicate what it is they really want. That leaves room for error, assumptions, a few hits and lots of misses. And once the misses start staking up, then the smiles begin to fade.

In conclusion, I’ll say that I’d still love a Tom in my life. A good solid, honest, funny, and handsome Tom. But until I find one, I’ve got Tim to keep me company.

Till next time,

Linet

Show Me Your Friends And I’ll Show You

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“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
― C.S. Lewis

Its that time of year again when you start reflecting on the year that passed – what you did right, what you did wrong and what you should have never done in the first place. I’ve found myself thinking a lot about my friends and the influence they have had on me this past year.

You know how you have that one friend who you know you should never listen to but you still do anyway (kind of like Costa in Project X.)? Yeah well, I think I have three of those. And we have had the time of our lives. Granted, we didn’t burn a house down, (although I think if we really wanted to, we could) we did some crazy [insert choice word here]!

It was great though. I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I’ve learnt so much from my friends and hopefully they from me. Ultimately, I think that’s what friends are for. If they are not going to make you a better person, then what? Why are they in your life?

Therefore, ask yourself: do your friends reflect your personality or the person you’d like to be one day? Do you see yourself in them? If not, start looking for new amigos, amigo. I may sound harsh but you have no idea how much your friends influence you every single day. So, be honest with yourself, take a deep breath and cut ties if you have to. You just be might thankful you did later on in life.

Till next time, 

Linet