I just got asked that. By a friend. On WhatsApp. After the usual generic greetings that often elicit varying degrees of answers (from both parties), all bordering between half truths and lukewarm lies, he asked me this probing question. Too probing for his nature actually, which made me smile. The tables had turned and I was the unwilling participant behind the HD screen typing away vague statements and fake emoticons that do not truly mimic my true facial expression. I smiled when I realised that I had rubbed off on him – just a little. But, as they say, that’s a story for another day.
Upon reading that question, my mind descended down a rabbit hole, analysing, conjuring, dreaming. How am I really…as a person? Well, I am tired. Tired of life, of friends that don’t add value; of family that remains broken; of trials that never cease. I am exhausted, of reminding myself that it’ll be all right; and that perseverance produces character; or that people don’t always mean to disappoint. I am tired of this world in general. But I am grateful.
Grateful for life, for breath. For food and shelter. That’s something that another friend reminded me via this very useful tool called WhatsApp. No matter what we’re going through, we should be grateful. “Imagine life on an empty stomach” he said. And I knew he was right. Because I have food, a home, and an education and so much more than so many in this world. And so, I am tired but grateful. It’s cliché I know but what can one do? After all, he asked and I answered.
You get the idea…
Till next time,
The hardest thing about trying to forget someone is suppressing the memories. How do you stop thinking about someone when almost everything you encounter in life triggers one memory or another starring the very person you’re trying to forget?
For me, it’s certain songs that make me smile when I hear them because once upon a time, we listened to it together, danced to that beat, or shared a lyric.
Or for instance, a word…someone utters it innocently and suddenly my mind is flooded with his face.
A while back, I wrote of the advantages of friend zone over boyfriends. I was complacent, naive maybe, of the power of honest-to-God, no-walls friendship. It affects the heart. Makes you experience intimacy. Emotional intimacy. That is how I fell for my best guy friend. I fell for my Tim. And it sucks coz he didn’t fall for me.
The recurring thought in my mind is “how could he not see it?”. In my head, we’re perfect for each other. We just fit like a jigsaw puzzle. I get him and he gets me. Unless I imagined it all. Was I delusional in my musings that we would conquer the world with our combined power of honesty and mutual respect for each other? Did I really just conjure it all up?
Or maybe he just doesn’t see me that way…like a potential girlfriend. And that hurts the most. Like it’s an inconceivable notion for him to be attracted to me. Am I not good enough?
So many questions. So much sadness. The worst part is that I lost two things: a friend, and a possible future with said friend. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe I should have kept my heart in check. But in hindsight, considering all the late night chats and the shared dreams, did I ever stand a chance?
Till next time,
I have a confession to make
I hope it’s not more than you can take
Please forgive me if I sound rude,
If my demands strike you as crude.
I don’t want to offend you, entice or belittle you.
You see, I want it all.
Everything. All of it.
I want to steal a smile from you
And maybe even a laugh or two.
I want to stop you in your tracks
And demand that you hug me back.
I want to make you poor
By spending your time till I’m sure
That I made your day ignite
And your eyes sparkle with delight
I want to take your precious moments.
Capture them in my heart shaped pockets
And I’ll walk away with you none the wiser
That you made my day brighter
And years from now I want you to picture me
Then shake your head in quiet disbelief
Of the wild things we said and the stupid stuff we did
Of the joy we had and the laughter we shared.
Call me a thief or a tyrant
Even report me to your parents
If the crown fits I’ll wear it
And I swear I’ll take all the credit
For you see, I’m not one to speak lies because,
I’m selfish and I apologise.
While walking around in the mall earlier today, I popped in the bookstore to peruse through some books and pass some time.
To my surprise, I came across some great cards with some beautiful quotes on them.
One of my favourites was the one above.
It seems like a nice quote to stick up on your wall and look at everyday, don’t you think? 🙂
Till next time,
If you’ve been here a couple of times, you’d have noticed the change in appearance of my blog. I was having a slow day so I decided to do another makeover. Hopefully I don’t get the urge to change it again anytime soon. I changed my blog name from ‘Design and Conquer’ to ‘Loquacious Living’ (it has quite a nice ring to it don’t you think?).
The idea struck me when I was shamelessly stalking friends of my friends on facebook (don’t judge me, you do it too). I came across a particular person that struck me as incredibly, for lack of a better word, loquacious. His profile was interesting and filled with quirky quotes he came up with himself. Most of his statuses were funny and his photos were all outrageous – they made me want to be in them. Even though I’d never met him, I could almost imagine what kind of person he is and I was pretty sure we could become fast friends. Instantly I thought ‘that’s a great way to live life’; to fully express yourself and your personality. Then, I had an Aha! moment and I was like: ‘Loquacious Living’, that’s it!
I kid – I didn’t scream out in jubilation. Although, a slow smile did creep over my face 😀
According to vocabulary.com “A loquacious person talks a lot, often about stuff that only they think is interesting. You can also call them chatty or gabby, but either way, they’re loquacious.” That to me sounds a bit negative. What’s wrong with talking about stuff only I think is interesting? That way, I’m fully invested in the conversation. It’s a win win situation 😀
Another definition I prefer – 1. talking or tending to talk much or freely; talkative; chattering; babbling; garrulous [Dictionary.com].
I like the “talk…freely” part 🙂 It’s something I try to do in my life – express my opinions, be honest and be true to myself in general. It makes for better friendships and relationships. People can get to know the true you and if they like you then great, and if not, oh well *shrugs*. I also feel like life would be miserable if you had to pretend to be something you’re not. Why put yourself through something like that?
Therefore, from now I have a great new mantra to bring up in random conversations with strangers :D. ‘Loquacious Living’ – the art of living life by talking freely. Sounds like a twitter-worthy-trend even if I do say so myself. But remember, you heard it here first! 🙂
Till next time!
The new logo 🙂
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
― C.S. Lewis
Its that time of year again when you start reflecting on the year that passed – what you did right, what you did wrong and what you should have never done in the first place. I’ve found myself thinking a lot about my friends and the influence they have had on me this past year.
You know how you have that one friend who you know you should never listen to but you still do anyway (kind of like Costa in Project X.)? Yeah well, I think I have three of those. And we have had the time of our lives. Granted, we didn’t burn a house down, (although I think if we really wanted to, we could) we did some crazy [insert choice word here]!
It was great though. I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I’ve learnt so much from my friends and hopefully they from me. Ultimately, I think that’s what friends are for. If they are not going to make you a better person, then what? Why are they in your life?
Therefore, ask yourself: do your friends reflect your personality or the person you’d like to be one day? Do you see yourself in them? If not, start looking for new amigos, amigo. I may sound harsh but you have no idea how much your friends influence you every single day. So, be honest with yourself, take a deep breath and cut ties if you have to. You just be might thankful you did later on in life.
Till next time,
They say laughter is the best medicine but recently, I found out that tears are pretty good healers too. There’s something about the release of tears that’s cathartic. I like to think that that we cry because our emotions are too overwhelming for our bodies to handle so these emotions can only be released through tears.
When you think about it, crying is a form of communication. Babies do it because they don’t know how to talk. It’s their way of saying, ‘there’s something wrong, come fix me!’. For adults, if you cry then you know things are bad. Again, you are communicating that you are experiencing certain emotions that are so overwhelming, rendering you speechless and you end up saying ‘something’s wrong, come fix me’.
I recently had a talk with a friend that was long overdue. We said things that should have been said a long time ago and unearthed feelings that had been buried deep down inside that, I guess we had forgotten and reliving them made us cry like little babies. It was relieving though. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. Like I said: cathartic.
That got me thinking though. What if we had said these things along time ago? What is we had sat down and said straight up that something was going wrong from the beginning of our issues. What if we had communicated immediately we had started seen the warning signs? We could have avoided the hurt that accumulated along the way.
So ladies and gentlemen, what’s the moral of the story? Communication is key. Tell your friend that you don’t like it when she uses you for her own means. Tell your boyfriend that you don’t like it when he says those sneaky underhanded comments that are hurtful. Tell your parents that you think they should spend more time with you. The list could go on and on but I think you get the message 😀 Tell someone what you’re feeling.
Till next time,