I Am Selfish And I Apologise

I have a confession to make
I hope it’s not more than you can take
Please forgive me if I sound rude,
If my demands strike you as crude.
I don’t want to offend you, entice or belittle you.
You see, I want it all.
Everything. All of it.

I want to steal a smile from you
And maybe even a laugh or two.
I want to stop you in your tracks
And demand that you hug me back.

I want to make you poor
By spending your time till I’m sure
That I made your day ignite
And your eyes sparkle with delight

I want to take your precious moments.
Capture them in my heart shaped pockets
And I’ll walk away with you none the wiser
That you made my day brighter

And years from now I want you to picture me
Then shake your head in quiet disbelief
Of the wild things we said and the stupid stuff we did
Of the joy we had and the laughter we shared.

Call me a thief or a tyrant
Even report me to your parents
If the crown fits I’ll wear it
And I swear I’ll take all the credit
For you see, I’m not one to speak lies because,
I’m selfish and I apologise.

Learning to Look for Happiness

http://www.100happydays.com.

I stumbled upon it. I was just browsing – reading through online magazines, twitter stalking friends, and recklessly pinning stunning photos on Pinterest. I read this article by good friend, wine and food lover, breathless writer, inspiring fashionista and all-round-amazing-person, Tshepang Molisana [@TshepiMolisana]. In it, she speaks of her own journey through the #100happydays challenge. I decided to try it out.

I am a person who sees the little things. I treasure the smile of a friend, the laughter of a child; I love the feel of an autumn breeze softly blowing through copper coloured leaves. So I thought, 100 happy days? No problem!

My 100 days began on the 14th of May. I woke up on the right side of bed to a hearty breakfast and beautiful blue sky. It was a sign.

Day 2

Thursday night, I was at our youth Pastor’s house for our weekly Bible study group meeting. A couple of girls from Germany who came over to South Africa 9 months ago as part of a mission trip, were sharing the moments of their last week with us. There was pasta. And cake. There were hellos and there were goodbyes. We laughed, we joked, we hugged – we were happy.

Day 3

My brother made me laugh. Again.

Day 4

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Now I know you may be thinking, “It’s been 4 days, lets see you last 3 weeks”. I’ve thought the same thing too. But I know I can do this. I love a challenge – especially one designed to make me happy.

I think the beauty in this whole thing lies, not only in the notion of opening your eyes to look for something that warms the cockles of your heart, but in documenting these things as well. It’s like leaving a trail of bread crumbs that you can trust to lead you down a path of beauty. One that you’ve travelled before and know will make you sing inside.

I look forward to capturing these moments. To committing them not only to memory but to (permanent) internet history so that I can relive them again and again and again.

Till next time,

Linet

Now INo

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I arrived home today for my mid semester vacation at around 2 15 pm. As I disembarked the plane, the sun shone brightly, sending rays of warmth that are unusual for this time of the year. It’s like the sun was smiling down at me, copying the expression on my face. As I wheeled my small green suitcase behind me, I could feel my excitement growing.

I would love to say I was met by my parents, brother, and sister, all grinning and waving as I came through the arrivals lounge but that is not the case. They have lives. My sister is going through what I just finished. Her end of semester exams are in full force right now and my arrival is more like a gift from heaven for her (less dishes for her to wash). My little brother on the other hand is occupied with primary school related activities – think rugby games and music lessons. I was picked up by my slightly late dad and that was more than enough for me 🙂

The hour long ride home from the airport was not fun though. Talking about my future is always something that I don’t welcome. Maybe it’s because I have no idea what path I want to take with my life after University. Right now my focus is on one thing: get this degree. However, that is proving to be quite a mission. I really need to dig down even deeper and find motivation to finish what I started. On the bright side, I’m learning an extremely valuable life lesson at UCT – how to get back up when life knocks me down. It’s been a rough 2 years and I’ve got two more to go and I really want to see this thing to the end.

So, after having a surprisingly soul bearing and completely honest conversation with my father, we pulled up in front of the gate. Then, my dad pulls out his gate keys, hands them to me and says “Well, you’re home now so you better start acting like it”. Translation, go open the gate. Some things never change 😀

I had actually never opened the gate before. New house, new discoveries 🙂
As I wrestled my luggage out the car, with the help of my dad, my sister walked out the house, knife in hand exclaiming, “fair warning, we’re not making you anything special for dinner!”. Just like that, the playful teasing and light banter began. I swear, my family is amazing at small talk! We can go for hours talking about the most random things, laughing and joking together. It’s quite beautiful.

Once I stepped into the house, it was mayhem! I barely had time to walk into my bedroom when my brother hugged/tackled me onto the bed. What a greeting! 😀 He plays rugby and I have a feeling there’s more of those to come during my time home.

As the noise escalated and the hugs went around multiple times, I found myself taking off my shoes and settling down for an update on the latest news and gossip from extended family and friends. My mom gabbed away as she rolled chapati expertly while my sister sat on the kitchen counter periodically contributing to the stories. My brother went off to play some sort of computer game like any normal 11 year old. Once in a while he’d walk in to excitedly show me something – like how he had grown about 4 cm in 1 month and how he could make music with water and a wine glass. Then he would disappear again.

As I sat there, joking, laughing and mercilessly teasing my sister, I felt my troubles seep away. The tension of exams, the worries of assignments, projects and GPA were momentarily forgotten. In that moment, I was content. My heart sang and my eyes danced with laughter. In that moment I was happy 🙂

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I love my family 🙂 I really do. They are not perfect and at times I really wish certain things were different. However, I undoubtedly and unequivocally love these people. And, it’s in these little moments, those spent sitting on kitchen counter tops or lounging on the bed that I remember that.

Till next time,

Linet

This is how much I love my family, especially my little brother :)

This is how much I love my family, especially my little brother 🙂

The Importance of Communication

Image

They say laughter is the best medicine but recently, I found out that tears are pretty good healers too. There’s something about the release of tears that’s cathartic. I like to think that that we cry because our emotions are too overwhelming for our bodies to handle so these emotions can only be released through tears.

When you think about it, crying is a form of communication. Babies do it because they don’t know how to talk. It’s their way of saying, ‘there’s something wrong, come fix me!’. For adults, if you cry then you know things are bad. Again, you are communicating that you are experiencing certain emotions that are so overwhelming, rendering you speechless and you end up saying ‘something’s wrong, come fix me’.

I recently had a talk with a friend that was long overdue. We said things that should have been said a long time ago and unearthed feelings that had been buried deep down inside that, I guess we had forgotten and reliving them made us cry like little babies. It was relieving though. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. Like I said: cathartic.

That got me thinking though. What if we had said these things along time ago? What is we had sat down and said straight up that something was going wrong from the beginning of our issues. What if we had communicated immediately we had started seen the warning signs? We could have avoided the hurt that accumulated along the way.

So ladies and gentlemen, what’s the moral of the story? Communication is key. Tell your friend that you don’t like it when she uses you for her own means. Tell your boyfriend that you don’t like it when he says those sneaky underhanded comments that are hurtful. Tell your parents that you think they should spend more time with you. The list could go on and on but I think you get the message 😀 Tell someone what you’re feeling.

Till next time,

Linet