Friends over lovers – 3 reasons why guys make better best friends and horrible boyfriends

Disclaimer: The following views are not by any means a generalisation of the opposite sex’s ability to be good significant others. There are merely opinions and real life experiences of a writer that seems to have really bad luck in relationships.

Either I have seriously bad taste in guys, have been fishing in the wrong pond, or I still have to go through my fair share of frogs before I get to my prince. I just can’t seem to pick out ‘one of the good ones’. I think maybe my boy-dar is broken…get it, like radar but now it’s boy-dar…Anyway, it seems I am really good at being friend-zoned OR friend-zoning guys (I prefer to think of it as the latter). I have some really good guy friends. As in, tell my deepest darkest secrets guy friends. Or be-super-honest-and-not-care-what-he-thinks guy friends.

But when it comes to the more than friends department, it’s a big flop. I’m talking awkward and strained WhatsApp conversations plus even worse face to face situations. You know that flow that you get with people you’re comfortable around? The one where you can talk about anything and everything…yes, that one! Now that always seems to be missing with the guys I eventually end up calling my ‘boyfriend’. Or whatever it is they end up becoming. What is that in between stage where you’re not really dating but you’re not just friends either? Facebook just calls ‘Its Complicated’, which can be a bit of an understatement sometimes.

In light of all that is said above, I have decided to just keep it in the friendzone (for now). I mean, boyfriends are hard work. Even the not fully fledged ones. And to back up my almost new year resolution, I have good reasons why boys are better friends than boyfriends.

  • Objectivity

When he’s not trying to impress you to get into your pants, a guy can have some really solid advice when it comes to almost anything and everything. You can forget about asking him what to wear to that thing you’re going to Saturday night though. I said almost everything. Unless he’s gay…. anyway, I digress. Guys tend to view problems (and life in general) in a very simplified way: There is a problem = find a solution. Finished. So when I tend to over think and worry myself to death about, let’s say, how to stop freaking out and just breath, my friend (we’ll call him Tim)…my friend Tim usually just says “stop freaking out and breath!”. Then he proceeds to tell me of all the reasons why I’m blowing things out of proportion like I usually do. And then he’ll remind me that it’s best to take one thing at a time. And of course he’ll say something that should have been completely obvious to my too-smart-for-its-own-good female brain. Like I said, Objectivity.

  • No drama

Guys are just fundamentally incapable of being petty – something that girls are fundamentally wired to be. This is related to point number one. No jealousy, no over thinking, no complications or unrealistic expectations. Their ability to take things in a laid back manner is quite frankly, refreshing. Nothing like a drama free life through University. That stuff is reserved for high school people.

  • Muscles

Picture this: you’re moving out of your parents house (finally!). You have some stuff you’re carrying with you in a few boxes. You get to your new apartment and there’s 4 flight’s of stairs you have to get climb up to get to your door. Who do you call? Tim of course! Tim always comes in handy for stuff like this. Sure you’ll have to buy him pizza or a big mac to say thanks but really, that’s not too much of a hassle now is it? It’s waaay much better than having to call Tom (let’s call Le boyfriend Tom). You probably had a fight with Tom earlier because he said the wrong thing, or forgot your birthday/ anniversary/ to came to your first open mic night (the list could go on and on). In fact, you would probably be annoyed at Tom for not offering to move said boxes when you mentioned you’re moving in the first place! Either way, Tom is sometimes going to be a tricky choice. Tim is better.

Now, I’m not saying all Toms are disappointing. I’m sure some of you have great stories that would clear Tom’s name in a  heartbeat. However, I am yet to get my own story. I believe there’s just something about the increased expectation in a relationship that gets things messed up.

It’s probably not all Tom’s fault. I mean, girls tend to have high standards in place, fuelled by years of brainwashing by romantic comedies and Hollywood’s leading men. But really, Tom should watch those movies and learn a thing or two. There’s so much that goes into a relationship because the other person is expecting you to give more (usually the girl) and half the time, they don’t know how to communicate what it is they really want. That leaves room for error, assumptions, a few hits and lots of misses. And once the misses start staking up, then the smiles begin to fade.

In conclusion, I’ll say that I’d still love a Tom in my life. A good solid, honest, funny, and handsome Tom. But until I find one, I’ve got Tim to keep me company.

Till next time,

Linet

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2 thoughts on “Friends over lovers – 3 reasons why guys make better best friends and horrible boyfriends

  1. Pingback: A Letter to the Girl I used to Love | Loquacious Living

  2. Pingback: Looking for Distractions | Loquacious Living

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